why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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