Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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