god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
