I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
