Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
