bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
