Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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