he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
