hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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