Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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