I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
