found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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