I CAN MOONWALK!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is wine microwaveable?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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