Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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