Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
