Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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