I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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