Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
