So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
