you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
