so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
