I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
