I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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