porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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