I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
