I wish my penis had an off switch
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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