i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
