Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
