I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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