If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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