My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
