I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
