btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
