just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
