I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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