Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.