I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set