I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.