If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online