the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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