I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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