Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
