At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
