what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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