Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
