What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i came on her dog
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
