dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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