Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
