i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
