I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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