I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
