My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I could fuck to npr.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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