Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
