You work out of a Hotel?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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