It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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