can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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