Plan B is the new Plan A
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
