i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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