I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
