you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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