I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
