I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize