Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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