I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
