rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
