Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
