We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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