I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
