oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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