I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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