Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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