Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
