you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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